Day: Thursday, April 5th
Place: Finland
The agony of separation has weakened my spirit as well as my soul.. I feel loss of words as I describe this feeling that I can neither conquer nor escape.. which I am left with no other option but endure to my capacity... I feel like a person with a cancer who can only wait for death to consume him and set him free from his sufferings...
The biggest enemy of a person enduring this despair is Hope... hope that things are not all that bad and will be alright if he try a little harder... it is this hope that unable him to detach her from his life and move on… getting hurt by her responses every time he try to be in touch with her.
Today again I had that fit of depression...and it happned when I thought that I am out of it. I went for shopping to divert attention.., but don’t remember when I got into tramp, when got down and how i came back...all i remember is staring out of tramp window in an attempt to hide my watery eyes from ppl around... I feel her close and weep at night when I think of her.. I wish she could see the faith in my sighs.
While going I saw my roommate coming with 12 pack of heineken beer... it will be another niight of uncontrol alcohol consumption... a futile attempt to numb all the feelings and creep back to life.
2 comments:
Dude... uncontrolled alcohol consumption is not futile... it is not the means to an end... it is the end... that's what you live for... don't worry about it... drink away.. and then puke it all out...
i understand wat u goin thru man, time is the most valuable medicine rgt now, but the point is it hurts a lot too.. Hope , yeah that hurts, once u know shes gone frever, it gets fine, but if theres jus a trickl of hope, it acts like cancer.
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